grumpygirl

Random

Here's a random photo from this morning. It was too hot to wait inside the swim school so I plonked myself down outside in a shady spot with some breeze.

Woe

In faithful continuation of my Moaning Myrtle mood, may I present you with another tale of woe:

Yep, two deep cuts on the same hand whilst washing up. Blood everywhere. I blame the outlaws. They made me cranky and careless.

But, as you can see, I am martyring on. Even though I seem to have developed a cough too. Ok, ok, I'll go to the Dr tomorrow if I'm not any better.

Brainwave

I've had a brainwave. Or maybe my brain is starting to work again.

You know how I was making 3 crochet blankies for the family of the guy BD bums a lift off to and from work all the time, plus the teal crochet blanket for the wedding in March? Well, it occurred to me that I could switch them around.

So the teal blanket goes to the family for them to share, and rather than make two pink and purple grannies, plus another teal blankie. And I use all the pink and purple squares for one big blanket for the happy couple. Brilliant! Two blankets rather than four!

Snotty

I'm so sleepy. But if I go to bed now, I just know I'll be lying there in bed at 2am unable to go back to sleep. Why am I sleepy? Because I'm sick. And so is WB. Thank you childcare.

We were fine this morning, but we both have runny noses. I'm also sneezing heaps, my facial muscles ache and I can feel the coming of the sore glands. Poor WB can't tell me just how crap he's feeling, but he sure perked up after the baby panadol.

I dropped WB off at childcare at 11am, wandered around the shops looking for some work clothes, then picked him up at 2pm. He'd managed to sleep for 40mins and did look a bit tired and more subdued when I picked him up. But that would have been mainly the getting sick business. Overall, however, I'm told he did really well.

And, interestingly, the carer (who was away on Wednesday) told me that the girls had been telling her what a horrid morning Wednesday was, so much so that they didn't think I'd be back! So a bit of reassurance that I wasn't just freaking out for no reason.

Dwelling

So today I find myself feeling better about this whole leaving-my-son-in-the-hands-of-strangers business.

It think it's partly because I didn't stay there long and allow myself to think and dwell about it. Too much dwelling can whip me into a frenzy.

It was so obvious that WB was just mesmerised by all the toys at childcare. We were meant to be there at 2pm, but didn't get there until after 330pm due to a 2hr20min sleep. After a 20 min nap in the morning. So by the time we got there, he had lots of energy and it was go go go. He ran outside into play area and once again, barely looked at me.

So whilst I can't say he loves it in a happy/smiling way, he does seem to love it the adventurous/get-into-everything kind way. I'm really quite proud of him for taking it all in his stride.

BD and I picked him up just before 6pm, and stood outside his room whizzing about for a while before he noticed us, ran to the door and into BD's arms. Then he realised that he hadn't had a breastfeed since 1230 and reached for me. 

That said, I don't think I'm ever going to turn into one of those parents who go on and on about how childcare is so good for children because their kids love it and have been in it since 6 months and it builds up their immunity blah blah blah. It sometimes just comes with too strong a smell of justification for me.

For me, it's not the most perfect solution in the world, but it will do and I'll try to stop feeling guilty about it.

Slightly confronting

We had our first orientation session at childcare today. I'm trying not not make up my mind based on 2.5 hours, but it's hard. And I suspect that it's going to generally be hard for a little while yet.

I would so love to be able to be home full-time with WB until he's 3, but career-wise, that's just not sensible, as I need to keep a foot in the door. So for now, I'm stuck with him in care for 2 days a week for the next six months, and then we'll see whether we keep it that way or up it to 3 days.

So now that I've reminded myself of the framework within which this is all happening, how did it go?

Well, when we got there at 930am, the room was absolute chaos. Toys everywhere, 3 harrassed-looking staff (another staff member was supposed to have arrived at 9am but hadn't) and 13 children (2 arrived later, 1 bully left for orientation in the next room up and 1 left early with their mum who worked there). Overall, the kids seemed ok there, apart from some who wanted a bit more attention, but the crying eventually stopped. One poor kid arrived later and cried for ages before he fell asleep with a bottle still attached.

WB was fine and ran off to play with the toys with nary a look in my direction. The carers commented on how confident he was, and I'm so glad for his sake that he's such an adventurer. Being clingy would make it so much harder for us both, so no, I feel no twinge of regret that this isn't the case.

He was also quite fine whilst I was gone for almost 20 mins, and didn't even run up to me when I came back into the room. He did come up at about 1130am wanting a breastfeed but I distracted him enough for him to hold on until the staff got the kids ready for lunch. We left at about 12 and he was fast asleep at 1245pm. He then slept for 2hrs 10mins; longer than his usual 1.5-2hrs but not so much that the was completely wrecked. After he woke up, he wanted to be held for a while longer than usual, but then was off to play with the magnets on the fridge before too long.

But I'm still not sure about the environment. It was rather confronting witnessing the reality of how little one-on-one attention or interaction that WB will be receiving in care. And of course the love. And cuddles. Or lack thereof. For up to 10 hours a day. I think I'm going to have to reassess what time we drop him off in the mornings.

So how am I feeling? Well I sat there for the first half hour amazed at how slowly the time was passing. Really, I'd only been there 15 mins? Really? It seriously felt like two hours. So many kids. So much noise. So much crying. So many snotty noses. Wasn't that music a bit loud? God, do they ever turn that thing off? Am I really doing the right thing leaving him?

 And the room, wasn't it a bit small? Quite teeny tiny actually? Especially when there are 20 kids? Surely the kids had more room to move at that other place we'd looked at before he was born? Or at least they had fewer kids. Maybe I should give them a call and check them out again? What was their number? Ack, my phone isn't connecting to the internet! And so it went on. After half an hour, I forced myself to leave to go home and get my crochet hook which I'd accidentally left behind.

When I came back, it was much calmer (and tidier), and I was told that this was how it usually was, and this morning was a particularly bad and unusual one. So I sat myself down and crocheted and forced myself to be chattier with the carers without taking their attention off the kiddies. 

It was really interesting watching him here though. At our Mini Maestros class, he's the life of the party. I mean, we all sit around in a circle and the other kids are really good at it. WB, however, insists on standing in the middle of the circle. With his back to the teacher, shaking his bum at her, whilst pisses herself laughing at him dancing manouvers. He goes up to the other parents/grandparents, sits on some laps and generally wondering why they're not paying attention to Just Him. But today he pretty much left the carers alone. He didn't go up to them and raise his arms to be picked up as he usually does with almost any adult who pays attention to him. Maybe that's it, maybe they don't pay enough attention to him. Because they can't. How do I feel about this? I don't know.

I'm glad that WB is mostly playing on his own off to the side, all the better to avoid the older kids really. One of them pushed his shoulder hard enough for him to land on his butt, but he didn't really react. He's not a crier unless he's actually hurt, and I really hope this continues. It would be awful if he became a sook just to get some more attention like some of the others are.

Anyway, I ought to go to bed. We're back tomorrow afternoon and early Friday morning so I can get an idea of what the different staff, days, and times are like.

Mixed signals

We had a little visit with MinnieG and little MissG this afternoon. After ignoring her for most of the time (for he and only he, is The Centre Of The Universe), he gave her a spontaneous cuddle. Encouraged to do it again, he did. Then the very next second, he pushed her away flat on her back. Talk about confusing a poor girl!

Project monogamy

Well, if you count three as 'monogamist'. But they're three that I feel like I've been working on forever whilst everything else is on backburners.

Herewith some badly-taken photos of my three WIPs.

Firstly, the random stripes garter blankie for WB to take to childcare. I'm still not sure about it. It's a bit girly. And I still have about 40g left of the pink to go.

Next up we have two halves of the two pink and purple grannies I'm making.

I'll need to split these squares in two and knit 36 more squares of two colours in the middle vertical row. I hope they don't turn out too dark, but I'll be dammed if I'm going to buy more non-sale yarn for my sale-yarn projects.

And lastly, the lacey ripple. It's slow going on a 3.25mm hook and I keep on having to frog, recrochet, frog, so I'll be glad when it's done. I think I'm about 40% through.

Swap

Yay, I managed to swap a Wednesday at childcare for a Thursday, so my work days can now be confirmed as Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. We still have to do 3 Wednesdays first before we can swap, but that's fine.

This is my last week where I'm at home full-time with WB. Next week we have orientation for 2 hours a day Wednesday-Friday, the week after that he is in for full days on Wednesday and Friday for 'real' whilst I'm at home (what will I do with myself?), and the following week, I'm at work. Ack.

I'm sort of looking forward to returning to work (I'm sure that will wear off soon enough). I'm looking forward to listening to podcasts and crocheting on the train on Tuesdays when BD is home with WB, and I'm looking forward to driving to and from work with BD on Thursdays and Fridays.

I don't like that WB will be in care for almost 10 hours a day. But for now, that can't be helped, so we'll see how it goes. I do wish he could go somewhere closer to where we work, so we get an extra 2 hours with him though.

$42.38

$42.38. Business class for all three of us to Brisvegas to see BD's grandparents for a few days over Christmas. Oh ok, there is the business of the 96,000 points, but that's not real money. And good value considering that would be $4K+ if we were insane enough to buy tickets. A return flight to London for one of us would be 128,000 points plus taxes for a ~$2K flight.

And, I chanced upon a car hire of a Prius for about $4 more per day than the cheapest manual (which neither of us can drive). 

So all in all, a cheapish Christmas away.