grumpygirl

Lesson #10

Never ever, under any circumstances, allow yourself to feel generous enough to let your husband 'borrow' your laptop.

So what if he's left the charger to his laptop at work?
So what if he's going interstate and needs to take a laptop?
So what if it's only for a day?

You might think that you're going to be a work and won't need it.

But what if you get sent home early by the doctor to rest?

What if, despite plans to spend the rest of the afternoon watching West Wing dvds, you end up in TOTAL silence instead?

What if you end up on the phone to him asking him how to get the LCD screen off the calibration page, why there is no sound even though the amplifier is set-up correctly, and what the hell does he mean by press the little button on the remote control (which friggin' little button?!)? And then being asked 'What are you doing home anyway?

What if your 6 year-old little iBook will either only emit intermittent sections of dialogue or refuse to play your dvds altogether. Or only allow you to listen to internet radio if you plug in your headphones? And then cut in and out. Even though your husband refuses to believe you.

What if, driven to the edge of sanity, you regress back to trying the old fashioned alarm clock, only to discover that it no longer seems to tune any FM frequencies??

Generosity, it does not pay!!

Lesson #9

Just because you won an auction for a 7 piece Parker dining set in practically mint condition on ebay for a mere $182.50 doesn't mean you should get cocky.

So setting up the sniper again for a lounge suite split into 3 concurrent auctions, not such a good idea.

Otherwise, with four minutes to go, watching the bid auctions rise and rise on your 3 mobile phone, having no internet access to change the bid, facing the possibility of having to drive to Wonthaggi (wherever that is) to pick up a bloody ottoman (because the armchairs and sofa rose way above your max bid), you might have to ring up a friend who might still have access to borrowed internet to log in for you to delete the bid. Only it won't let her delete them cause your bids are in queue and there are only 2 minutes left and you're both panicking and oh my god thank the lord that the ottoman went above your max bid price too.

Lesson #8

When parking at Chaddie, being dropped off at the door by your husband does not save you any time.

Left to park on his own, said husband is sure to park so far away from said door that it's practically in another postcode.

On the way back to the car, he will try to tell you that the car is parked just around the corner. You start to have doubts, however, as you look back at the dot that is Chadstone.

After your mini hike, you may spend some time sitting by an abandoned trolley, talking to your new espresso machine, watching your husband zigzag about the parking lot in a most disorganised fashion, convinced that the car has been stolen.

If however, you're as lucky as we were, your thief might be of the sort that not only steals your car, but kindly re-parks it. In a spot much, much closer to the door.

Lesson #7

Heading off on holiday with 4 hours sleep is not so great.

Not having breakfast is also...not so great.

Not having any coffee until 10am is very not so great. (Coffee saves marriages)

Driving from Hobart to Cradle Mountain in 5 hours is crazy insanity.

Lesson #6

Besirching the name of people within possible hearing distance of their progeny on one's last day is best avoided.

Possible saving graces:

• of all the things one could have said about them, "it's ok to talk about it, X has told everyone. X tells everyone everything. If you don't want everyone to know something, don't tell X" is really one of the very nicest true things one could have said about X.
• said progeny is so zonked out trying to use all available brain cells that in all likelihood did not overhear said remark
• even if they did overhear, they probably don't think of their parent as someone with a name
• it is your last day and what do you care?

Lesson #5

If perchance you take it into your mind to stop at a Mr Minute and are rash enough to ask him if he changes batteries for fob watches, and he says "Let me have a look", takes it off you, turns it over in his hands, asks you "how do you open it?...do I pull this?", worry ye not about being polite and waiting for an opening to leave, my dear, RUN AWAY!!

Lesson #4

Starting a pair of socks on Tuesday and finishing them by Friday* is not achievable.

Starting a pair of socks on Tuesday and finishing them on Saturday is definitely achievable.

Moral of the story: I am a star, wot, wot.

* given the whole showing up at work thing

Lesson #3

Leaving a banana in your lunchbox for months and months is not a good idea.

BD learnt this particular lesson on Monday. We'd decided to go back to bringing in our own lunches from home and so BD went in search of his lunchbox. He spent most of Monday night cleaning out and disinfecting his lunchbox and pannier.

So guess what I included in BD's lunchbox today?

Lesson #2

Leave with plenty of time to get to the airport in case you:

a) miss the ill-marked turn off
b) forget to refill the hire car with petrol
c) get crap directions from the traffic guy at the airport and have to drive all the way around Sydney airport again
d) get crap directions from the valet parking attendant and have to rally car drive up and then back down the car park ramps the wrong way
e) almost expire from running with luggage to the check-in counter
f) miss your flight by 5 mins and have to pay $66 to get on the next flight home on a Sunday night
or
g) ALL OF THE ABOVE

Other than that, our long weekend in Sydney was really nice. The weather was lovely during the day, freeezing at night. We didn't really do much, just caught up with my side of the family and played with my cousins, who are very sweet.

It was ace seeing my aunt and her family again before she went home to the US. I hadn't seen her for over a decade and she didn't look all that different. My grandfather's eldest brother came with them too. He's 80 and made me realise that my grandparents are not young anymore. I've been thinking of them as being in their 60s for the past decade. He was a very energetic and fit 80 year old though. I gave him a scarf I made with Rowan Big Wool in "Storm". It suited him and I think he was really pleased with it.

It was actually quite a huge reunion. I think at one stage we had 14 adults and 7 children in the house. (I had trouble counting myself as an 'adult'). And would you believe that the adults were far louder than the kids. Especially when they brought out the karaoke...

Lesson #1

I can't post much today.

I am currently suffering from keyboard-in-mouth whiplash.

Lesson #1 : always check recipients before clicking on the send button.
Further lessons have yet to be edited for public consumption.

But hey, at least Angeltina and I are in this together!