We had our first orientation session at childcare today. I'm trying not not make up my mind based on 2.5 hours, but it's hard. And I suspect that it's going to generally be hard for a little while yet.
I would so love to be able to be home full-time with WB until he's 3, but career-wise, that's just not sensible, as I need to keep a foot in the door. So for now, I'm stuck with him in care for 2 days a week for the next six months, and then we'll see whether we keep it that way or up it to 3 days.
So now that I've reminded myself of the framework within which this is all happening, how did it go?
Well, when we got there at 930am, the room was absolute chaos. Toys everywhere, 3 harrassed-looking staff (another staff member was supposed to have arrived at 9am but hadn't) and 13 children (2 arrived later, 1 bully left for orientation in the next room up and 1 left early with their mum who worked there). Overall, the kids seemed ok there, apart from some who wanted a bit more attention, but the crying eventually stopped. One poor kid arrived later and cried for ages before he fell asleep with a bottle still attached.
WB was fine and ran off to play with the toys with nary a look in my direction. The carers commented on how confident he was, and I'm so glad for his sake that he's such an adventurer. Being clingy would make it so much harder for us both, so no, I feel no twinge of regret that this isn't the case.
He was also quite fine whilst I was gone for almost 20 mins, and didn't even run up to me when I came back into the room. He did come up at about 1130am wanting a breastfeed but I distracted him enough for him to hold on until the staff got the kids ready for lunch. We left at about 12 and he was fast asleep at 1245pm. He then slept for 2hrs 10mins; longer than his usual 1.5-2hrs but not so much that the was completely wrecked. After he woke up, he wanted to be held for a while longer than usual, but then was off to play with the magnets on the fridge before too long.
But I'm still not sure about the environment. It was rather confronting witnessing the reality of how little one-on-one attention or interaction that WB will be receiving in care. And of course the love. And cuddles. Or lack thereof. For up to 10 hours a day. I think I'm going to have to reassess what time we drop him off in the mornings.
So how am I feeling? Well I sat there for the first half hour amazed at how slowly the time was passing. Really, I'd only been there 15 mins? Really? It seriously felt like two hours. So many kids. So much noise. So much crying. So many snotty noses. Wasn't that music a bit loud? God, do they ever turn that thing off? Am I really doing the right thing leaving him?
And the room, wasn't it a bit small? Quite teeny tiny actually? Especially when there are 20 kids? Surely the kids had more room to move at that other place we'd looked at before he was born? Or at least they had fewer kids. Maybe I should give them a call and check them out again? What was their number? Ack, my phone isn't connecting to the internet! And so it went on. After half an hour, I forced myself to leave to go home and get my crochet hook which I'd accidentally left behind.
When I came back, it was much calmer (and tidier), and I was told that this was how it usually was, and this morning was a particularly bad and unusual one. So I sat myself down and crocheted and forced myself to be chattier with the carers without taking their attention off the kiddies.
It was really interesting watching him here though. At our Mini Maestros class, he's the life of the party. I mean, we all sit around in a circle and the other kids are really good at it. WB, however, insists on standing in the middle of the circle. With his back to the teacher, shaking his bum at her, whilst pisses herself laughing at him dancing manouvers. He goes up to the other parents/grandparents, sits on some laps and generally wondering why they're not paying attention to Just Him. But today he pretty much left the carers alone. He didn't go up to them and raise his arms to be picked up as he usually does with almost any adult who pays attention to him. Maybe that's it, maybe they don't pay enough attention to him. Because they can't. How do I feel about this? I don't know.
I'm glad that WB is mostly playing on his own off to the side, all the better to avoid the older kids really. One of them pushed his shoulder hard enough for him to land on his butt, but he didn't really react. He's not a crier unless he's actually hurt, and I really hope this continues. It would be awful if he became a sook just to get some more attention like some of the others are.
Anyway, I ought to go to bed. We're back tomorrow afternoon and early Friday morning so I can get an idea of what the different staff, days, and times are like.
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